My emotions are all over the charts. One minute I am ready to start serving my sentence and get all of this mess behind me and then 5 minutes go by and I can't even figure out how I'm going to get by 'till tonight. I suppose this is "normal" for my situation, but it is definitely
nothing that I am used to or familiar with. Also, I'm not usual the type of person that wears their feelings on their sleeve so talking and writing about my thoughts is pretty uncomfortable.
My attention span is not very long right now so many of my blogs may be short. I apologize for the brevity. I suspect that they will grow in length as I become more comfortable with this. If I use any humor that offends anyone I certainly mean no harm. I have found that making fun of myself in this situation eases the suffering just a little. I certainly do not take my legal problems lightly and overall there is absolutely nothing funny about them. I guess the humor just takes the edge off every now and then.
How much does everyone want to know about the facts that bring me to this time in my life? Is it interesting to hear about that type of thing or would it be more interesting to hear exactly how I am feeling every second? I guess there is probably enough time to cover it all. I'll stick to my current feelings for now. My back story is too long and I honestly don't have the brain energy right now to even begin with it. I think my body has put itself into 'self preservation' mode.
So how do I feel? I don't think that 'scared' is the exact word, but it is pretty close. Maybe 'apprehensive' to the nth degree would be a better way to put it. I know that I want this entire situation to be totally behind me and my family, but I can not see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I will blog again shortly. Right now I need to leave my computer to go pick up a moving trailer so that I can load up all my personal items first thing in the morning. Seems like that would be easy enough to do doesn't it? The thought of even walking out my front door seems overwhelming right now, but I have to make myself get going.
Update: It's now about and I just started to pack up some boxes with all of my personal belongings. It was tough to get started on it. I feel paralyzed to the point of nearly being physically ill. I have had a couple of friends call me or text me to ask if I wanted to go out and have some beer tonight, but I don't even have the energy to do that. Although I am miserable I do want to take this opportunity to express my extreme gratitude for all of the awesome I have that have done everything in their power to help me out. I feel like I have let all of them down, yet they are totally sticking by my side. Thank you very much to anyone that has helped. I hope to one day be able to return the kindness.