Tuesday, January 26, 2010
LAST NIGHT BEFORE INCARCERATION
I am going to be sentenced and locked up tomorrow. I have still only been able to get about 2 hours of sleep for each of the last handful of nights. I would not even thought it was possible for my body to get by with so little sleep, but I guess it somehow did. I know that my mind is off. I can tell I'm not thinking clearly and it's pretty scary. The two most frightening things right now are 1. Not knowing how long I will be away and 2. Not knowing how long my current anxiety level will last. It would feel so nice to simply have a good night's sleep and wake up in the morning to a good breakfast, but I'd be willing to bet that's not going to happen. I have talked to so many friends today and close family. It has been nice to hear their reassurances. Each time I have ended a phone call I have tried to commit to memory everything I discussed and everything that was said. I realize that I have a lot of people that are totally in my corner and that are extremely concerned about my short term and long term welfare. I do not want to disappoint them anymore. I am also tired of disappointing myself and I don't want to do that anymore either. I will try to write briefly tomorrow before I am taken into custody, but if I don't have a chance my next blog will be in the form of a letter that I postal mail from the inside to my friend on the outside. I do ask for your patience if it takes a while.